tales of a pinay single mom

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I just spoke to my niece and she’s really bent on getting a tattoo.  I told her to think about it a hundred times because it’s not something you can remove when you get tired of it.  I guess it’s peer pressure.  Some of her friends have tattoos and they have been talking about this tattoo dating site where you can chat or meet with guys and girls who have a thing for tattoo. Well, that’s teenagers nowadays.  I just hope she does not decide on a tattoo that has guy’s name on it.

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I’m young (depending on your definition of young), single Asian mom, semi-professional and seeking one good man.  I’m into fitness, lean cuisine and natural products.  I like dry, hot climates preferably the beach where the sun is especially hot and blazing.  I hate mustaches, bad odor, California wine, yuppies, politicians, and guilt trips.  I like to clean my house in the evening when everyone is asleep and I could just listen to my iPod.  I’m into rock music as well as Nancy Sinatra’s.  My boobs are sagging regardless of many repetitions of breast exercises.  Why?  Because of two kids whom I love to death and you better love them, too.  I hate the rain.  It sometimes makes me depressed especially if it rains on special days.  I hate school.  I don’t know why some people would want to go back to school.  But I love to learn new skills.  I created a bad rep in high school.  I will tell you in the future the reason for that.  Still interested?

Well, how’s that for my about page in any social networks or local chat rooms. Do you think I would be able to meet someone?  I hope so because these are half-truths.  Besides, who tells the truth on first dates?  But it’s fun joining chat rooms.

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After all those heartaches, confrontations, boring conversations and all those losers, you would think that a woman can become so jaded and opt to stay single the rest of her life. But no, women are bound to overcome their reluctance and go out in the dating world and get bloody.

So how do we get bloody? Experts say, and I don’t know personally who these people are, to find mates in singles bars and single groups. And I couldn’t even name the leading singles bar here in and around the metro. And to hang out in one is something I haven’t thought of doing. I would rather crash my cart into a man’s cart hoping that he’ll notice me. Which is also pathetic but more realistic than waiting and wasting my time in a single’s bar. Single moms are known to multi-task. I can do my grocery shopping while looking out for single men.

After you’ve made the move, what’s next? Initiate contact, of course. How does one do that? By having an opening line. But I can’t think of an opening line and I don’t know anyone who has one or any person who uses one. ‘Hi, I’m a horny mom, what’s your name?’ or ‘Hi, I’m desperate. Will you talk to me?’ In fact, experts say any line will do. And these same experts say that the trick is to say it to enough people and some will eventually respond.

Finally, having initiated contact, have a decent conversation. Well, even a superficial conversation might do the job. I mean, after all the stupidity and embarrassment you’ve put yourself into, the guy might pity you and you might end up having coffee with the guy or you might end up with Friday night date. What is there to lose?

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I’m convinced that my community is the worst for singles. Not only do I have to compete with all the singles here, I also have to compete with the gays who dominate the Quezon City area. What’s worse is that the rest of the men are either married or jerks. And I’m a single mom which makes it harder.

Experts say that you are more than likely to meet single men in singles’ church group. Do you believe this? Looking for love in Churches. Am I that desperate? Men expect good looks in women. Women expects stability. Some say to lower my expectations. That I should have realistic expectations. That I shouldn’t be looking for a Brad Pitt look-alike or a well-off man. That I should be looking for the average joe. Which I think is crap. If that’s the case, I would rather stay single. Is it wrong to want the best?

Another rule is to go out more. But single moms prefer to stay home with the kids. I prefer to stay home and if I have the free time, I would rather have a massage or a facial. Well, I just hope that single men hang out in those places. Which brings me to another rule experts say is another trick to meet men. Hang around in places men congregate. Like the gym, golf course, basketball courts and even schools and at the workplace. Gosh, I haven’t been to these places in ages. No wonder I don’t meet men.

More impossible rules to come…

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When dating, do you tell that you have kids right off the bat? I don’t. I actually dated someone years back that took me a year before I spoke about having a kid. I had only my son then. I think you just don’t meet somebody at work or at play and the first thing you’ll say is, “You know what, I’m separated and I have a kid.” Two problems at once. I think this comes in when things get serious.

Or are you the type who lays down all her cards? No surprises, no secrets. Just like telling him, “Hey, this is me. I have kids. I think you should know that.” Don’t we come off as “assuming” too much? What if the guy is there only for friendship and nothing else? Isn’t this embarrassing? I prefer to wait it out or test the water and accept whatever he decides to do with that information.

But it’s different if you meet the guy within your circle. At least somebody can tell him that you have a kid. It saves you from actually confronting the issue head on. You would know that if he decides to pursue, you having a kid is not a problem. Now we’re talking. The girl finally has a chance at love.

But what if after telling him that you have a kid, he becomes unavailable all of sudden? Would you be angry? I mean, can you blame him? He’s probably a single guy and doesn’t need a tag-along. Are these guys any different or any worse than the next man who enters in a relationship with single mom then later on ditches her because he suddenly realizes it’s not for him?

A single mom can go crazy thinking about this. I would consider myself lucky if I find a guy who loves his work and earns well, gets along with my kids and family, and wants to be with me. I don’ t know. You can’t really know if someone is right for you in just a few months. I’ll make sure I’ve dated him long enough before I start introducing the people who really matter to me.

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