tales of a pinay single mom

Is there love after single mommyhood? The answer is a resounding YES. In fact, many yeses. I had two serious relationships and two or three not-so-serious ones. I was 20 when I finally called it quits with my husband. And I didn’t really tell myself one day that I’ll start dating again. It just happened. I didn’t go out looking for a guy one hot summer night. I just met them through close friends and other means.

And it felt wonderful especially since I was still very young. But at that time, relationship was the last thing on my mind. I was in school. I had a toddler. I had a lot of shit happening inside and outside of me. My father was disappointed at me. My mother was relieved that I didn’t end up with a loser. My sisters were out there having fun. And my life was on a stand still. Or so I thought.

Until I met this guy who was classmate in a computer short course my father forced me to take during summer. Not knowing anything about computers, I attended the boring classes religiously. At the end of the course, I was still nowhere near identifying the parts of the computer and its functions. But I got myself a boyfriend.

A gym buff. He was good-looking and girls were crazy about him. Sounded like trouble but I didn’t care. I needed excitement and this guy sure looked like he can bring me more than that. But it was short-lived. I was right. He was trouble. He was a true ladies’ man and the bad side was, he liked girls and couldn’t avoid them. But it was alright. I got my groove back. I was in the market again.

Sometimes, a little diversion is what we need to get back on track. In all aspects of life.

relationships

So I met with the contractors today. What I originally wanted was to have 3 bedrooms but considering the floor area and with all the closet space I need, I would have to sleep standing up. So I scratched out that wish and settled for a more comfortable 2-bedroom unit. They know more than I do I suppose. So I just listened.

I don’t know the first thing about interior design or at least I didn’t think I did. Before I met with the contractors, I leafed through house magazines for ideas, and I’m pleased to learn that I have a knack for this sort of thing. For example, I read that it’s more challenging to impose your taste within a set of limitations. Though I’m not sure if the editor of that magazine has the the same limitations that I have–lack of money, lack of time or lack of taste. Nonetheless, I got some pretty cool ideas for my place.

Whatever the outcome, I’m sure it won’t look like the state of our living quarters now. Chollo’s room is a mess. The shoes are spilling from the closet, books and paper are on the floor, various unfamiliar lying object can be found on the bed and every surface. Nothing is in its place.

Well, in my room the look is even more unspoiled. The bed is usually unmade. The closet is in disarray. There are books all over. And a pile of laundry is blocking the doorway. The result of always rushing. Nothing gets done. People in design magazines would probably change careers when they see my apartment.

In the end, I put the magazines away. The longer I browse through them, the more I want to have all those pretty cool things. It’s clear from my reading that all those magazines are there to make you spend a little bit more. I mean so much more. That’s the bold design statement of the year.

home

We’ll be moving again brought on by surprising events. But this would be the last move because finally, it’s no longer a rental. It’s our own house. Actually, it’s a condo and located right smack in between Tomas Morato and Quezon Avenue.

It’s a nice location because we’re a stone’s throw away from some of my favorite restaurants. And the building has a supermarket in the basement so anytime I want ice cream or a mouse trap, I could just go there and instead of riding the car, I would be riding the elevator. How convenient. No more gears and pedals. Just buttons with numbers and a few passengers.

If you’re a reader of my other blog, you would know that I’ve moved 4 times in the last 3 years. It was fun but I’m getting old. The back-breaking packing and unpacking is something I don’t look forward to anymore. But I would be a lot busier since the unit is stripped bare of everything. No tiles, no cabinets, no ceiling, no paint, no partition. It’s so bare that I could put a blindfold on and throw a coin across the room and make that my bedroom or private sanctuary wherever the coin lands. That’s how you get it now. But it’s a good thing because I could practice my creativity and design skills. I can get to play around.

I’m meeting two contractors tomorrow and I hope they have a few suggestions on how to make the place look bigger. It’s a mere 62 square meter space. And I hope they won’t be suggesting avocado-colored walls or gold-lined kitchen counters.

home

Well, that was last time I checked. Just last week, I was feeling all lonely and emotional and not really anticipating growing old alone. You know, when you have someone, it fills you up and gives color to your life. But as a single mom, you try to find love in many forms and from different sources–friends, family, children. You realize that you’ve got lots of love all around. But there are times when this is not enough. You long for companionship. Someone to talk to late at night.

It’s hard to be alone in your house with sleeping kids. I watch old movies when insomnia hits me then I would feel guilty about it because the sink still overflows with dishes. Actually, my life overflows with people, too, so it’s weird sometimes how I feel it, the absence of just one person. Just one man. And a ton of emotions coming in then poof, you feel depressed.

Sorry, my mind is kind of all over the place right now. Right now that I’m writing this. So I’ll just stop.

emotions

When dating, do you tell that you have kids right off the bat? I don’t. I actually dated someone years back that took me a year before I spoke about having a kid. I had only my son then. I think you just don’t meet somebody at work or at play and the first thing you’ll say is, “You know what, I’m separated and I have a kid.” Two problems at once. I think this comes in when things get serious.

Or are you the type who lays down all her cards? No surprises, no secrets. Just like telling him, “Hey, this is me. I have kids. I think you should know that.” Don’t we come off as “assuming” too much? What if the guy is there only for friendship and nothing else? Isn’t this embarrassing? I prefer to wait it out or test the water and accept whatever he decides to do with that information.

But it’s different if you meet the guy within your circle. At least somebody can tell him that you have a kid. It saves you from actually confronting the issue head on. You would know that if he decides to pursue, you having a kid is not a problem. Now we’re talking. The girl finally has a chance at love.

But what if after telling him that you have a kid, he becomes unavailable all of sudden? Would you be angry? I mean, can you blame him? He’s probably a single guy and doesn’t need a tag-along. Are these guys any different or any worse than the next man who enters in a relationship with single mom then later on ditches her because he suddenly realizes it’s not for him?

A single mom can go crazy thinking about this. I would consider myself lucky if I find a guy who loves his work and earns well, gets along with my kids and family, and wants to be with me. I don’ t know. You can’t really know if someone is right for you in just a few months. I’ll make sure I’ve dated him long enough before I start introducing the people who really matter to me.

dating

Today, when young people talk about the ’80s as if it were some lost golden era, I sometimes get stunned and a bit offended. Those of us who came to consciousness in that age still think that it was just a few years ago. I do.

But just because I haven’t pulled out some old photo albums and haven’t really seen how my looks have evolved over the years does not mean I act like a teenager. And just because I believe in the saying, “You’re as young as you feel”, does not really translate to me looking young.

I mean, I do act my age. I’m in my mid-30’s but I can’t say I’m loving it or looking it. I wish that I’m still in my 20s and 20 pounds lighter but that’s not gonna happen. What can happen in the near future is consider Botox and liposuction and probably some serious highlights around the face. And I could even wear shades 24/7 and make it a fashion statement just to cover my crow’s feet.

Aging. I can’t say I want to grow old gracefully. I may use every age-defying medical treatment there is. But if money is going to be a problem, I have to start making friends with my wrinkles and cellulites and stop watching America’s Next Top Model and start watching Desperate Housewives or reruns of Golden Girls.

aging

Women have a lot to deal with in this day and age. I think that’s the reason why someone invented or came up with Prozac. There are emotions and neuroses at any given situation and even more disorders are being discovered.

Time and money. Two things on the top of modern women’s list. And probably the root of all our problems. The outcome are disorders of many kind. Compulsions, addictions, phobias, obsessions, delusions and dysfunctions. Call it anything you want but these are problems that have emerged in today’s fast-paced, highly-ambitious, technology-ridden society of ours.

Men. They do get a special category of their own. Women need love. Men fear commitment. We don’t jive. The quest for Mr. Right. Not the Mr. Right here at the moment, gone tomorrow. It’s too ridiculous. Our world is too ridiculous.

So what’s a woman to do? Or a single mom to do? Cope.

rants

This is my personal journal that anyone can read. =) It’s about my life, my children, my parents, my siblings, my journey, my ex-partners and my future.

This would be about being a single mom, making money, making relationships, raising my kids, falling in love, earning a living, watching movies, missing people and the weather. Most will be written according to my mood.

A journal like this does not really need an introduction but it might be helpful to introduce some of the people you would meet here.

My children, Chollo and MG, born in 1990 and 2004, and their fathers. Yes, there are two. I’m actually on the lookout for a third. There’s also my family, my mother, father, my two sisters and one brother. Mother now lives in the US. My father, now turned alcoholic, lives alone in the house where we grew up.

My ex-husband is somewhere here on earth, living or dead, I don’t know. I haven’t seen him for how many years now. And there’s the father of my youngest, who I still see up to this day. I still can’t describe our relationship. If you can even call it that. The next, of course, I haven’t met and I hope, would be the last. And I hope I get to mention him in the future.

I hope I get away with this blog or journal without anyone being and getting hurt. And I have another blog which is basically a blog about my thoughts on things. It’s my first blog and I love it. If you want to read about my sarcasm (sometimes), stay here. But if you want to read about my attempts to be normal, go on over there and enjoy.

me